Juan and Pedro
Pasajes de San Juan, a place that will forever be cemented in my mind as the Keystone Cops team of waiters at the Ziaboga Bistrot. Picture this - miles of the path behind you, anxious for lunch and so many more ascents to look forward to. Suddenly, you come down yet another steep hill and there it is - Pasajes de San Juan and its twin across the channel, Pasajes de San Pedro. We stop at what appears to be the “hot spot” in town, after seeing a couple preparing to leave their waterfront table. Alex (we learn his name later after the manager yells at him from the kitchen) begins to lead us towards the table, until a woman in a less desirable table (we have decided this player in the drama is from Texas) demands that she and her companion be seated in the better table. Alex acquiesces and gives them the table, showing yet again that American tourist from the West Coast (we) are just too damn easygoing. We wait about 15 minutes before we are approached by the next character in our story, who we will refer to as the Pirate King - young, hair pulled back in a ponytail and a swarthy look about him (I say “swarthy” and Tom says “stoned”). We tell him we have not yet ordered, and he quickly brings us our drinks. By quickly I mean around 15 minutes later. We soon learn that 15 minutes from order to completion is a modern miracle with this bunch. Alex eventually wanders by, wearing his ipad on a coiled string like a Girl Scout banner during cookie sale week. We order the tuna, a salad, and mixed fried vegetables.
A few minutes after our order goes back, a new character (let’s call him “Lurch”) brings three plates out to us with an imploring look. We assure him that we did not order the hamburger, fried fish and tomato salad. He proceeds to walk through approximately 30+ tables, hoping that someone will confirm that that is their order. He eventually shrugs and heads back to the kitchen with the plates. Meanwhile, someone appears from the back room, an older woman, and begins yelling at Alex and waving kitchen tickets at Lurch, the Pirate King and Alex. Lurch drops off three plates minutes later, one of which we definitely did not order. A new character appears from the kitchen - the embodiment of the Three Witches from Shakespeare? No, Tom says. He’s stoned as well. Tom orders another beer and Three in One Witch ambles by and sets it at the corner of the table furthest from Tom’s reach (Personally, I think this is a just reward for Tom thinking all these nice young men are stoned). The meal is amazing(!) however, at some point we need to move on. We spend the next 20 minutes attempting to get someone’s attention, only to have them walk away with a glazed look on their face. Tom eventually goes inside to look for Alex’s mother (we’ve decided this is why she yells at him so much - she is disappointed at so many of his life choices). Meanwhile, the Pirate King shows up at the table with the check, which I pay. Tom appears, overjoyed that he has paid as well - it took him quite a while as Alex’s mom was shouting at everyone because she couldn’t find a wine opener. Tom graciously goes back inside to face the wrath of mom and get half of our double payment back. Alex’s mom recognized the error, gave Tom a handful of cash (although not the full amount), and we quickly leave - but not before we are approached by Alex (who had already forgotten us), and told we were sixth on the list to be seated for a table.😂
